I have been in a church study group of ladies the past several months and we have been reading together the book “When Changing Nothing Changes Everything – The power of reframing your life” by Laurie Pollich Short. We read and then discuss a few chapters at a time. As I have read this book I see how it speaks to people differently depending what age they are. The young can use the book to ‘reframe’ their future. The older readers (which I count myself a part of) can look back and see how life has gone, and then see if I used certain times in it to ‘reframe’ my path.
Obviously, my journey is exclusively mine. And, looking back I do see those framing moments.
First, a bit of history is required. My history is that I grew up the youngest child, in a mid-western family with German heritage. I grew up with religion all around me, but not really debated. I was kept sheltered. Kept safe. I grew up without fear. I was not exceptional at anything, but I was okay with that. I enjoyed art and music.
For everyone – as I have learned through this book – family, birth order, geography, and faith all play into who you become. The key is to look back on it, and to see what ‘framed’ you and then HOW to deal with it. Some people look back and get stuck in that person. Some look back and only see the negative parts and can’t get past them. And, then some people look back and remember the good times, and the loving moments. Often, we have a combination of all of it when we look back.
I know I have that combination.
My ‘reframing’ moments? * Going off to college. It was my first experience of knowing and living with women who grew up differently than me. I was in a dorm with young women who enlightened me. Some came from much more demonstrative families. Some came from broken families. Some expressed themselves with words I never thought about using. Like I said I was sheltered. Ha We had many late night chats with pizza and Boones Farm wine! * Another reframing moment: Meeting my now husband and his family. Again, they were very different from me and how I grew up. And they said anything… followed by ‘bless his heart’ in their southern voices. They lived warmly but always on the edge.
This is what I learned from those two reframing moments : I was given opportunities to see that people were all unique, different – and fun! I (slowly) learned to come out of my shell around them. I was not closed off as a child, but I was not out-going either. I was not driven to excel. In college, away from home, I learned to be independant. It’s a trait I still have, for good and for bad.
My journey has shown me that it’s okay to be ‘someone else’ even if I am not like my background anymore. I guess I’m an example of the ‘melting pot’ we really do live in here in America. Two generations before me the family’s German thoughts and ways were ingrained. Stern. Quiet. Hardworking.
Along with it was the Lutheran faith. Ingrained. Don’t worry – I’m not giving it up. I love much about it. It is who I am. BUT, I have met people through Bible studies and church experiences that have encouraged discussion about everything. Questions are allowed. Personal stories can be told without judgement. Love is shown – and expressed. (Which for old time Lutherans is not always done!) Love is stated. And when love is what it’s about… it grows.
Back to the book: why read it in a church study group? Where does faith come in? Well, for anyone, looking back at your past can be a very difficult thing. Feeling sad or sorry about past mistakes. And the future can be scary. So, the way to ‘reframe’ life is to know God. Knowing God and knowing that God loves you unconditionally – and offers forgiveness always. It’s freeing. Changing.
Having faith when looking back, and looking forward, is about graceful acceptance and hope.
“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” – Jesus
Marla’s Musings 