Seasons

There are seasons in life.  There are stages… or ‘eras’ perhaps.

Childhood.    College life.     Marriage and then raising a family.    I’m in another one now.

The years go by quickly.  Looking back it seems like a blink of an eye.   Kenny Chesney sings “don’t blink…  just like that your babies grow…”   and they become adults.   It’s true.  When you are in those moments you don’t realize it. Busy times.  Lots of activities.    But, it goes by – and it leaves beautiful memories.

I’m into another season now.   I stay active because I still want to be involved and keep making memories. I want to do good while I’m here on earth.  I like to live in the moment, and experience what each day brings.  I want to have open eyes to find joy – and I do.  I love my hubby, my children, and now my grandchildren.  I love my church, and I love my music. I love my pets.  I love where I live and the nature around me.

Here’s one thing I struggle with though:  other relationships.   I put up a barrier.   You can know me – but only so far.   I have one best girlfriend and she and I get each other and we appreciate that we can just ‘be’ and not have to work on our friendship.  We understand this feeling we have.   We don’t see each other often (we live in different states) and we don’t even talk that often – but it doesn’t matter.  We ‘get’ each other.

With just about everyone else tho, family and friends, I feel expectations. I worry about letting people down.  I feel I don’t live up to who I should be. I think about it everyday.  So, I pull back – probably as a way to protect myself.   Thankfully I really like to be alone.   I prefer it.   And when I  want to express myself I find it easiest to do it here, in writing, or on social media.  I’m not good at the phone – at all. I sweat on the phone.    I like to share positive messages on social media – to keep myself and others looking for and seeing joy.  I think it helps to remind myself about it every day.  I share jokes too.  We all need to laugh each day.

I’m in a season of finding ME, and knowing ME, and yes, still working on ME.

Along the way I have lost touch with people and I have felt hurt and disappointed – in myself AND in others.  I have prayed for acceptance during this era of my life.  I have tried to accept our differences, because I really know time is fleeting. Feeling bad about it doesn’t help.    Living a positive life is important.   I’m working on living without guilt. I’m working on lots of  relationship issues.

My next season? What will it be?    I got a Maxine daily calendar for Christmas. You know who she is? She has a comeback for everything… she is sassy.  She knows who she is – for good and for bad.   Maybe that’s where I am headed.

I know I need to do something every.single.day to bring me happiness.   It’s funny… I remember a family discussion years ago about what we each want out of life.   I answered to be happy.  I felt I got some weird looks.   Is it that simple?    To be happy??     No.   But this season of my life is all about it.