Forgiveness

The ladies Bible Study I attend has been delving into the book of Psalms, especially the ones about forgiveness .  We have been discussing God’s gift of it to us, our challenge to forgive others, and even how to forgive ourselves.  It’s been making me think about daily issues where I need to learn to forgive better.

Yes, through prayer I tell God about my stupid human errors, and the times when I said or thought something mean, where I hurt people, and when I didn’t even know that by doing something, or doing nothing, I had not followed His guidance.  I disappoint God. But, I know God forgives me everytime I admit I messed up.  I am ‘eternally grateful’  that calling out my mistakes to God is ‘safe’ and that His forgiveness is always there.

The tougher forgiveness for me to deal with is the kind that is about forgiving others.  I struggle with it daily.  It is sometimes the little things like forgiving the guy who drives slow or doesn’t use a blinker… to the big ones that have to do with years of hurt and disappointment.   In between there are the endless needs for forgiveness:  perhaps it’s about not understanding and accepting other points of view (yes, I’m talking about politics), to not doing anything to help those in need, or certainly not doing enough for issues I deeply care about that are both close to home and far away.   Or, about my neighbor who just cut down all the beautiful trees up to our property line.   (Yes, I will forgive him but can I have a couple of days to be upset? )

I can also be pretty good at beating myself up.   Yes, forgiving myself is not easy.   I think I can hide it pretty well, and I guess it comes with years of practice.  Ha.  But, some days I can walk around and wonder WHAT do I really do to ‘let go’ and to ‘make right’ things I know I have blown.  Do I really want to put in the effort?     I know I prefer to not think about it, or try and make it not seem so bad.   I also think it is part of the reason I like to be myself so much.

Forgiveness is hard.     There is a feeling that offering forgiveness can show lack of toughness.   Or, offering forgiveness can say “walk on me – it’s okay.”   Forgiving can come across as sounding like:  maybe you were right after all.  Or, you were wrong but I can be walked on.

And what about offering forgiveness, and then not getting it accepted?    Scary.   Sad. Life changing.

So, when I think about forgiveness – I am unbelievably thankful that God gives it over and over – completely.   He forgives me for being human, stupid, and getting tempted, and being tired, and ego-centric, and stubborn.    But, it’s hard for me to give that same forgiveness to others – and, yes, God even forgives me for being bad at forgiving others!

During our Study we talked about how some people who do not know about God, but of course sin everyday, might seem to have it easier.  They don’t feel the guilt of disappointing God and others.  They live a life of “if I get away with it then it’s okay.” They sometimes think they are better than others, and don’t worry about righting wrongs.

Believing in God, following God, comes with responsibility.   We all fall short.  We all mess up.   But, we also know how we should try to do better – and that means constantly working on forgiveness.

Forgive me –  heavy topic this morning.