I was needed when my daughter had her preemie twins over 3 years ago. I moved in and helped my daughter and her husband with the constant feedings, and round the clock care for those two tiny guys. I lived with them for a couple of months and I bonded tightly with them during that time. I helped with lots of feedings and diaper changes, and rocking, and bathing. I have experiences from that time that I will never forget. Tough days. Survival days. I helped – and somehow we got through some sleepless, and hungry days!
My other daughter just recently had a beautiful and healthy, full term baby girl. I also went to help out but quickly realized that they didn’t need much help and were doing just fine. And that is wonderful! But… I’m torn about it. I want to be a nurturer and a special Mimi for the baby, but I also know that their parents have it covered. It makes me proud to see them both moving into parenthood so smoothly. Daughter: if you are reading this: you know can call me anytime to come up. I don’t want to be a ‘guest’ and definitely NOT an absentee Mimi – I want to be a hands on grandmother. So, as months go by I will be available for your needed breaks and dinners out.
When I had my babies I lived across the country and I did much of it on my own. Hubby was working really hard and traveling for the business. There was no paternity leave back then. I remember it so well – the life changing, purpose changing, time changing that went along with being a new mother. I never looked back on my previous life before babies and missed it. I was ready for being ‘their mommy’ and wanting to raise them the best way possible. I never wanted anyone else to raise them.
We moved a few times during those early years and I think back and try to remember, was it hard? At times I am sure it was, but I never ever doubted or worried about going off to a new place. If anything I was sad leaving an area and some friends I had gotten to know. Sad but not scared.
Now that I am a grandmother I think about how I lived on the west coast when my babies were very little, and how I was really far away from family. Back then there was no FaceTiming, or text threads with pictures. The thousands of miles were a real barrier to bonding. People didn’t fly as much as they do now. My husband’s mother did a pretty good job of coming out for visits and for that I was very appreciative. There is something about a grandmother who loves your child as much as you do. Who ‘gets it.’ Who wants to hear every little story, and applaud every baby milestone. Who thinks that babies can do no wrong – and every tiny thing about them is perfect. She did that.
I feel that same way about my THREE grand babies.. I am so blessed to have them. I am so blessed that they are not too far away. (I think, what would I do if they moved across country like I did – or to a foreign country? I’d put on a happy face but I would cry inside. I know some grandparents who have to deal with that.)
I look forward to attending preschool programs, and watching games, and listening to band and chorus concerts. I look forward to birthday parties and other special occasions. I want to be that Mimi that gets to see it all.
Oh. Here’s another thing I am learning about being a grandparent. It is wonderful when the children have two sets of grandparents, that I know – BUT I also get jealous. I never thought About it before becoming one how ‘sharing’ the role can be difficult at times. Hey – I’m being honest. I love that these little ones have four doting grandparents, and get lots of love, and have them in their lives. But, yes, I get jealous.
I know it’s a juggling act for parents – to ‘cover’ all the grandparents and to have equal time, so I am okay with ‘sharing’ – but some days I do feel like I’m missing out. Time goes by so fast.
Babies don’t stay babies very long. Toddlers don’t stay toddling around very long. And even school age children change so quickly. I don’t want to miss any of it.
This Mimi has a strong case of baby love!
Marla’s Musings 