Our mental health

When I heard about the death of Matthew Perry this weekend I felt so very sad, as millions of other “Friends” lovers did. We felt we knew Matthew’s character Chandler so well from watching and rewatching the 10 years of episodes.

Chandler was a very funny guy but as we got to know the character over time we came to know him as a loving and very sensitive guy too. The writers made Chandler, but Matthew said the role was ‘him.’ Chandler often covered up his feelings with humor. Matthew did too. He was really good at it.

I read Matthew Perry’s autobiography that came out last year. It was a very good read to try and understand how some people go through their whole life dealing with mental health issues. He struggled constantly with self esteem issues, and he was born with a very addictive gene. He reached for drugs and alcohol from a young age on. And, he tried and tried to get clean only to fall back into his addictive and abusive ways. He was in and out of rehab more times than anyone can imagine.

His death has not been listed as anything but an accidental drowning at this point. But, lots of prescription drugs for depression and anxiety were found in his home. He had hurt his body for years. The drugs and alcohol, vast weight changes, and even his colon bursting, all contributed to his demise, brought on but constant doubts, and disappointments, expectations, and more.

Matthew Perry struggled with his mental health all his life.

Last week we also heard about the mass shooting in Maine and that the mental health of the shooter was out of whack. He had been suffering for months (or more) and had been hospitalized for two weeks this past summer. People who knew him knew he was delusional and that he was speaking of possible violent acts.

We have a mental health epidemic in America. We don’t put enough emphasis on those in need until it can be too late. A person’s well being and their thoughts about themselves start early in childhood. We take babies and children for physical exams regularly but never have mental care checks. A traumatic event can also trigger mental health issues. We all live in a stressful day to day world of wanting to succeed, wanting to be loved, wanting to be liked, and wanting to live financially secure. We ALL have times of mental illness. Maybe not clinically. But in some degree we do – depending on the day.

Matthew Perry never acted out in ways that hurt others. He hurt himself. But some do lash out. Their brain tells them too – and it is really hard to understand why. But it happens. Every mass shooter has these feelings. And in the United States we see it happening every day.

Our mental heath is even more important than our physical health. Yet we still keep it hush hush and we attach stigmas to anyone we know who might be struggling. We want to ignore it. We want to pretend we are tough, and happy, and always in control.

The need for mental health care is still too often considered a weakness.

But seeking help is a strength. Care is available through counseling, therapy, and prescription drugs. But it costs money and it shouldn’t. And it should not be a political fight. But it is. I believe every person who wants help with their mental health should be able to get it. I also believe working on mental health should happen throughout each individual’s life, and that it will stop a lot of the other ills of America.

We need to stop thinking that it’s not my problem and that every man is in it for himself. Because – it’s not right. We live in communities, and what happens around us happens to us! Supporting anyone and everyone who seeks mental health care will better all our lives.

The only time I ever really hear people talk about the need for better mental health care is when they are blaming it for gun deaths. And it would certainly help for that. (I still strongly believe in the need for better, safer gun regulations too), But, it would also reduce road rage, and spousal abuse, bullying, and so much more.

Since we live in communities we have to care for all wh live in the communities. Speaking up, showing compassion, offering help, and voting for those who will make mental health free in our country. You can call it medical socialism if you like. I don’t care. I believe it’s an important path to a healthy democracy. It’s about healing the whole body and therefore having a better country.

Nothing is more important than taking care of our mental health. Nothing.