40 Years

Remember when you were a kid and people that were 40 years old seemed so old? Well, today hubby and I are celebrating a big 4-0 but it’s not our age. It’s our 40th wedding anniversary!!

40 years married! What?!?

I was not a teenage bride either so I am amazed at the milestone that we are now reaching here together.

Before we married both of us had spent a good part of our 20’s on our own, graduating from college, living the single life, starting our careers, and enjoying life with friends. I know for me it turned out to be good timing because I first learned to be self-assured, and to pay my own bills, and to really handle most everything. I was not looking for a man to ‘take care of me’ or to ‘complete me’ as Jerry McGuire said in the movie. I learned I could take care of myself.

Hubby and I knew each other as casual acquaintances first. We hung out with the same group of friends at our local restaurant/bar. We lived in an area of apartments filled with ‘20 somethings’ and we all would meet up after work for food and drinks at the establishment in our local strip shopping center. It was a really fun time in our lives. Reading this back it sounds like an episode of “Friends.” Ha

But, once he took a job in another state, he started thinking of who he could see being with long term, as a partner. He actually made a list of qualities he wanted and then thought of women he knew who had most of them. I was in the top two! Woohoo! I learned this later.

When we started dating we kind of knew that this was ‘it’ quickly. As I remember, our dating started in the early summer of 1983, and then at the beginning of November we got engaged. Back then you could throw together a wedding much more quickly than today, so we married May 26th of 1984. We picked Memorial Day weekend because it gave our guests an extra day for traveling.

Looking back on it I am sure some of our family and friends must have thought it was a rather quick ‘courtship’ (how’s that for an old term?) but we had experienced our share of dating others by then, and we were ready to move on to a new, exciting phase in our lives – together.

Timing is everything!

Yes, I truly believe that timing is important when it comes to relationships. Had we both been younger we would not have been ready to commit to each other. I also felt from the beginning that God had a hand in putting us together. We both had gone through failed relationships in the past. And, for some reason when we got together we clicked. Who can explain it?!

So, we were ‘ready’ and we were of the age for commitment and an adventure together. 1984.

Our years of growing together, and having our daughters, and moving around the country with job changes, made us strong – because in a way it was us against the world. Shortly after our wedding we moved across the country from Virginia to California for a job opportunity. We knew nobody else. Family was all on the eastern half of the US. We had a new home, new jobs, and a baby on the way.

As the early years went on by we continued to move with career changes for hubby, and then we had another daughter.

Thankfully, once our girls got school age we were able to settle in in one town so their elementary through high school years were in one place: New Jersey. I remember asking hubby how long he thought his new job would have us living in New Jersey and he said 4 or 5 years. Well, we lived in there for 12 years! It gave our daughters stability, and a great education. But, I must admit it challenged me the whole time. Oh New Jersey. Ha!

In all we have moved nine times. (I learned company moves are easier than ‘doing it yourself.’)

What I also learned from the many moves, and from the changes in our lives, is that you make it work because it is what you want together. We never disagreed on that. We still don’t disagree about accepting the changes and making the best of them.

40 years means accepting lots of changes, and learning to go with the flow, to always prioritize our family, and to look forward to what comes next. Hubby and I still do that.

40 years means growing old together.

40 years means knowing each other better than any other human being on this planet.

40 years means allowing independence too.

40 years means looking back at a ton of memories with a huge smile.

40 years means we have gone from parenting to grandparenting.

40 years means lots of laughing.

40 years means accepting differences.

40 years means sharing experiences.

40 years means unconditional love.