Did I get your attention with this musing title? What? Marla is going to talk about Fentanyl?

Well, I have to tell you that I am absolutely not an expert on the drug Fentanyl, and I don’t even know how it is ingested into a body. In pill form? Through a needle? A powder put in other drugs? Is it sold on the street by the same dealers that sell cocaine and other illegal drugs? Is it priced by the drug lords? And – once it gets into the US how is it so easily distributed around the country, state to state? I don’t know.

The reason I am writing about Fentanyl today though is it has become a political issue and the drug tied closely to the southern border controversy. What I have learned about this drug is that it is produced in China and then it is brought to Mexico and snuck into the US by illegal immigrants. At least that is what conservatives and Republicans want me to think. I’m not denying that it comes in that way. But, I also know that it probably comes in many other ways too. We have 4 borders, and we have planes and boats and cars entering our country all the time.

It is incredibly sad that people want to use Fentanyl. For some reason too many are looking for an escape, or a quick high, or they may just want to stop thinking for awhile. Other drugs have been used for the same purposes for years. Fentanyl is the choice now. And, from what I hear it seems extremely dangerous and deadly. Yet, people have the desire.

Fentanyl would not be a problem in America if it was not wanted so badly.

And, that’s the part of the whole epidemic that doesn’t get much discussion. Are we failing all these people because they are feeling empty, or depressed, or helpless – so they turn to drugs? They are in such a bad way that they take the chance with their lives – and they use their money, and make illegal drug deals, and sometimes die. Fentanyl overdoses happen all the time in the poor areas of America.

Trying to stop the flood of Fentanyl into our country without addressing the core reasons for Americans to desire it will not make the problem go away. Just as with illegal gun use, drug use happens because people are hurting. They are not happy with their lives. They feel unimportant, perhaps unloved. They can’t make enough money to live on and to take care of their kids. They don’t have hope for their future, and therefore they turn to a way to block out the pain.

The Republicans want to close the border. They blame the immigrants coming here for bringing the Fentanyl, and yet, they do nothing to work on the core problems. They don’t want to admit that the poor, and the uneducated, and those in low paying jobs, etc. don’t have the opportunity to improve, and to gain self esteem. Republicans don’t want to use tax dollars for social concerns to better us all. Even their own constituents! Those who elected them!

In general, it seems these days that we want to live without caring for ‘the other guy.’ We don’t want to spend OUR money on THEM. We don’t want to pay for equal education for all, and support early medical treatment, and preventive care, and more job opportunities, and we don’t want to give our hard earned money to those ‘no good druggies’ who have no worth.

Until we look at the big picture differently, and then do something about the core problems, we will continue to have devastating drug deaths. Fentanyl will be the easy escape.

Until we consider that all Americans have a right to mental and physical medical care, until we make sure all Americans can educate themselves for a job or a trade, until we do whatever we can to make ALL Americans feel worthy, then drug lords will find ways to get Fentanyl into the country – and people will continue to die.

It used to be that the children were ‘hands off.’ All the opposing politicians and the media honored that. The Children did not sign up for a public life, and it was considered a low blow to go after them. Especially young ones. It’s one more thing about the political world where the standards have been dropped. Everything is fair game now. People will go after family members, looking for a scoop, and looking for a way to put a black mark on the politician’s life.

You know where this is going. Hunter Biden. But – wait, he is no kid.

Step back for a minute.

I remember Billy Carter. He loved his beer and he was a Georgia redneck. The media had a lot of fun with him. I remember Amy Carter living in the White House during her awkward pre-teen years. I felt for her. Wearing glasses and braces. Chelsea Clinton was about the same age and she went through some teenage angst, was an only child with two powerful parents. Later, I remember the Bush girls wanting to be a bit defiant too, wanting to be normal teenagers. Jenna once gave the finger out the presidential limousine window.

The Obama girls seemed to have stayed out of trouble for 8 years. That’s a large feat. Maybe they really didn’t, but the press and Congressional members did not bring up any issues about them. Growing up in the spotlight, in the White House, has got to be hard. It was understood. Give them some slack. They are just kids.

Then came the Trumps – a bunch of them! Some were already adults. But Barron was not. He stayed out of the way, thanks to his mother, and again, the press and Congress members left him alone. Almost all of the older Trump children were definitely involved in the runnings in the White House, given titles and jobs to do within the administration. They had been in their dad’s former business dealings and grew up workin with him before he got into politics. They were involved. Therefore they were easy targets. The late night hosts certainly had fun with them. At the same time, the Trump offspring all were involved in social media. They poked the beast – supporting their father’s lies, and acting as a shield at times.. The walls were taken down at that point on the separation of politics and family. Ivanka sat in on many meetings and often represented her father when he could not be at functions. As she did this she carried on her own business dealings, including her own clothing line. Ivanka’s husband Jared Kushner and his family were also closely involved, mixing politics with their personal business. I have no doubt there were times that the lines between them got gray, and it was probably questionable whether or not their actions were legal, or at least ethical. I also believe the Trump children, young and old, were never taught to be concerned about that. They did not have a role model.

Now we have the Hunter Biden saga. I believe that Hunter has had a sad life, caught up in drugs, bad behavior, and unable to get his life together as an adult. He lost his mother and sister at a young age when they were killed in a car accident. Life as he knew it immediately changed. Hunter and his brother Beau were raised by Joe and others in the family. They went through trauma, and Hunter did not handle it well. Beau was the stronger one, who went into the military, was a hero in his Dad’s eyes – and then sadly died from cancer. Family dysfunction is nothing unusual. Sibling rivalry and more. They are like so many of us.

I do think Hunter Biden used his last name and his dad’s political power to get ahead at times. I also believe he lied on his gun application and that he paid his taxes late. He was a messed up guy. He fathered a child out of f wedlock. He escaped life, his demons, at times through drug use.

But, I don’t think President Biden has done anything more than any parent would do for their only living child. A parent is always a parent. He was worried about Hunter through the years. He wanted to help him. So, Joe took his phone calls when he called,, and tried to help him get straightened out, and probably told him he was proud of him when he could.

So – When it comes to what people say about President Biden being conniving, and secretly helping his son, I think they are making way too much out of it. It’s become a political hot potato, and it’s all tied up in the meanness we see now between the two political parties. It’s about being vindictive. It’s about hurting a family. It’s about sending messages to voters, putting doubt in their minds, saying things that may not be true. The situation is in the judicial department’s hands now. Hunter Biden might likely be found guilty of tax evasion and for lying on a gun permit form. I believe he did wrong. And he will have to pay and/or serve time, depending upon the judge’s decision. But, seriously – the Republican side has hammered it all to death – it is ALL they talk about, over and over, for years now, and they use Hunter’s problems as a sign of a bad president and father. That is their intention.

Who does this help?

What are we Americans learning from all this?

Is it that Republicans really don’t care about family? That they don’t care about helping a person with drug and mental problems? That they will use a person’s downfalls to their own glory? Will they do anything to belittle the president, to try and show the world he has a bad adult son??

I’m just not sure what the big picture is – except I don’t know why any person considering a run for president would drag their family through this. Politics is ugly. It has been for a long time. But families used to be exempt from it. It’s a line that has been crossed.

A poll I saw yesterday on CNN asked Republicans who they will vote for for president in the next election. This poll was taken over the past couple of days. I’m not sure how: if it was via phone calls, or ‘man on the street’ questions, or what. But the results are surprising/not surprising. You probably guessed it: approximately 2/3s of those Republicans asked said they will vote for Trump in the upcoming election.

I remember back to the night of Election Day in November 2015 and how horrible I felt, how incredibly sad and discouraged I felt about my fellow man. I was beyond able to understand how anyone could vote for such a mean-spirited man, one known for being a pig to women, to bankrupting companies, and tearing down anyone he came in contact with, doing it without remorse. I was in tears, realizing those who walk around me were so callous and ignored the pain he caused to so many people. Years and years of hurting people who worked for him. I figured maybe those who voted for him back in ’15 were not as tuned in to the whole political world as I was, so they didn’t see how Trump belittled people – and did it so boldly, in front of the cameras, at rallies and during debates. He had no regret about it. In fact he smirked and enjoyed the attention it brought. And as time went on, and Trump was sworn in (before huge crowds – ha), and then became our president, NOTHING I saw or heard from him changed my mind about his lack of ability to lead our country. I watched as he mis-used the powerful office, and how he bullied everyone from world leaders to his own administration. I figured surely NOW people who voted for him will see how inept he was as president. How he promised things that could not, and did not, happen. (Mexico will pay for the wall.) How he was not up for the job. No political experience. How he mishandled the CoVid pandemic, ticked off all our Allies around the world, did nothing to better the immigration issue. He was all pompous talk and no action. Phew – I thought. People now know.

Yes. Thankfully enough voters DID know and Trump lost the next presidential election. Yes, he lost. But here’s where he even got more crazy. He pouted and would not attend the inauguration. Remember? And, he lied about voting machines that didn’t work right, and about election counters and those hard working citizens who worked the polls at the local departments of elections. He cried it was a ‘witch hunt’ against him. He acted like a child, instead of a grown man unable to accept the results. Months of claims of voter fraud turned out to be nothing. Case after case that his attorneys tried to find were false. There was no voter fraud.

He tweeted out meanness…day and night, so much so that he was banned due to all the lies he put up on social media.

Then January 6th happened. I’m sorry, but I don’t know how ANYONE can accept that Trump was not in on this before it, and on that date, the insurrection of our US Capitol. Much has been said, written, and shown, about what happened on that day. I will never forget how a mob who had been egged on by our very own president forced themselves into the Capitol with the intent to stop the finalizing of the election, and they were willing to harm people. They had specific people to get: Trump turned the rioters against VP Pence, Speaker of the House Pelosi, and more. People died. People were seriously hurt and the seat of our democracy was damaged by hooligans acting tough and looking like idiots. What happened in our nation’s capital was inconceivable because we ARE America, and we all believe in democracy and free & true elections. Yet it happened. The day after even the Republican leaders spoke on the house floor against what happened – because they were truly physically scared. But then they ‘changed’ their tune.

Since that day – let’s see, hmmm, Trump has been impeached twice, and he has been indicted for all kinds of illegal actions, 90 some of them. He also already lost a case about sexually abusing a woman. He has had to pay for that, along with paying bail for his 4 arrests. So far. He has trials coming up in the next months and years. He plans to juggle it all while campaigning to be president again. In fact he is twisting rhetoric and using his indictments in his rallies. Poor Trump. Boo hoo.

YET – YET – YET ! ! ! People (more than half of Republicans according to the poll) are still supporting him and say they will vote for him again. The poll out today also said that these same people had little or no concern about his lack of presidential behavior or of all the legal issues hanging over him right now. Like an ostrich putting it’s head into the ground they don’t care. THEY DO NOT CARE.

So I ask….

Who are you that you can still support Trump??? Are you so brainwashed by conservative radio & TV over time that you don’t think any more? I used to want to give you the benefit of not knowing. Not anymore. How do you live with yourself?? How can you accept him as a role model to children? How can you justify him? What does it take to change your mind? How bad does Trump have to be before you decide that he is not right? I really want to know. Seriously, what is going on in your mind?? Yes, you wanted someone ‘different’. You think he is funny. Brash. Willing to say what is on his mind no matter what. Is this how you live your life? Does he reflect YOU? Oh my.

I even get that you want our government to give you total freedom, and to require you to pay less taxes, and you want to stop others from coming in to our country. Build that wall! Foreigners are bad people. Americans are better than anyone else. At least, ‘certain’ Americans are better, right? I don’t understand it, but I get that you want it. I hear you say it. But certainly there are candidates out there willing to go there and say the same thing… and it’s not Trump.

The saddest part is: I don’t think the great division in our country will ever find common ground as long as Trump is the bestowed head of the Republican Party. When he was first elected I thought we could somehow get through, and he had those 4 years and then bye bye. He’d just go away. He’d embarrass himself enough to slither away… I hoped, but I forgot that he is a narcissist and to him nothing is his fault. He is like a cancer on our country, and he has infected his MAGA followers to the soul. He has found vulnerable people and lied to them over and over. I truly believe this has happened. Because I know some of these people. They are regular Joes and Janes. Some are friends. Some are neighbors.

So, the political poll results released yesterday re-affirms what has happened. The desire for a real president that is intelligent, that gets wise advice from those around him, that can handle business with diplomacy, that can be our representative around the world – that is gone. It doesn’t matter to people anymore. The days of honoring the president is over. Our kids are not learning it anymore. What will history books say about Trump? Will they call him a blip in democracy? Will the insurrection be part of the book? Will Trump go down in history as the worst president to this point? I certainly think so. I wonder what my grandkids will be reading about him when they grow up

So, again, I ask: Don’t you want better? Don’t you want America to have a caring, thoughtful president?

Polls can be wrong. And, in reality they are a snapshot in time. I don’t know how the research is done. Or how many people are asked to participate in the poll. No pollster has ever asked me how I intend to vote. And, many, mostly young people, do not answer phone calls anymore. Polls can be skewed. My hope is that people will change and somehow wake up, and maybe the next poll will be more encouraging. I hope it. I don’t have confidence in it though.

What’s a mug shot? Did you hear Trump say that after he was arrested at the Fulton County Jail in Georgia on Thursday?

It was so perfect as to how he denies knowing anything when it’s to his favor. I mean, what adult does not know what a mug shot is?? Trump knows. In fact, he quickly took the mug shot and then put it on merchandise (t-shirts and such) for his MAGA loyalists to buy. He knows they will continue to give him money. He has them in the palm of his hand. Remember Trump saying he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and get away with it? Yep.

The t-shirts with the mug shot on it also says “never surrender” even though he just did. He had to surrender himself to the officials of the Justice Dept. In Fulton County, Georgia. Oh, and he had to surrender up in New York last month too when he was arrested there. He surrendered so he did not have to be hunted down and handcuffed.

I’m glad Trump finally had a mug shot taken because all along I have wanted him to be treated like anyone else who has been indicted by our country’s District Attorneys. Up til Thursday he hadn’t had a picture taken because supposedly everyone knows what he looks like so it seemed unnecessary. But, whenever any person surrenders (or is brought in in handcuffs) the normal process is to fingerprint them, and to take a mug shot. It then goes into the file system. It’s meant to be visual part of an arrest. It is meant to be humbling.

Ha! Humbling! Trump instead used the mug shot to continue his grifting ways.

The man continues to use his followers without any remorse. I wish they would realize it.

I wonder what next he will do. Because he will – he will continue to act like a victim. He will blame everyone else but himself. He will continue to lie if it makes him look better. He will do whatever he needs to do, hoping getting other people’s money might save him from the US and Georgia Dept. Of Justice. It doesn’t work that way.

He is the first American president with a mug shot..

I guess he knows what a mug shot is now.

We are halfway through August already! Slow down summer!! Yes, I know it’s hot, hot, hot and I too want some cooler temperatures, but I am not ready to think about Fall, and then Christmas! What?!?! I heard some big chain stores are already putting out Christmas trees for sale. Seriously, why are we always in such a rush?

The world moves so fast. We need to make the effort to hit pause, and to enjoy the moment.

Speaking of the world: Global warming is real. This has been the hottest summer on record and it’s not just by accident. The warmer temps are melting more of the ice at the poles, which then raises the ocean levels, and causes other climate disturbances and problems. Warmer ocean water will create more hurricanes. One is about to hit Mexico and Southern California. Warmer temps dry out grasses and trees that make it easier to start wildfires. The tragedy in Maui happened due to this very problem. Dry foliage and hurricane winds. This should NOT be a political discussion. It’s real.

So many times we see horrible events on TV and think it won’t happen here. We live ‘small minded’ and can’t see the big picture. Or, we try to shut the door and keep the bad from coming here and effecting us. Wake up. It’s a global community. We need to care about what happens far away because if we don’t it will come here. Another perfect example of this recently: the Co-Vid epidemic. We are all on this earth together, and we are all ‘in it’ together. Once we are aware of it, and accepting of it, then we see ALL people as ‘us’ and we change our mindset.

Christians know that God created us, and that we humans are meant to tend the world, to be the care-givers to the land and the animals. I think where we are now in history with all the transportation and communication advances, it is very evident that we MUST care for and tend ALL – around the world. Once again, it’s not political.

It’s not financial either. It’s bigger than that. Oh yes, money is important – I know that.. It’s how we ‘trade’ and it’s how we get things (note: things) and here’s a reminder, we can’t take it with us. So, our mindset has to change in how we use the money that we have. Again, we need a change from a small (me) viewpoint to a bigger picture. We need to daily think less of self, and more of self-less. We need to see it, say it, and live it.

You want your children and grandkids and future generations to live well? To be caring people? To continue this wonderful journey? It’s not a political decision.

But, yet, everything seems to be political now, doesn’t it? It sure is made to seem that way. On purpose. It is important to know that. There are ‘powers to be’ using politics to divide us, to deny facts, to keep us ‘small minded.’ People use their time and ego to keep others confused and to believe conspiracy theories.

I believe that is why we hear so much rhetoric about building walls, and about racial stereotypes, and using chosen words of fear to arm yourself, to be afraid of people not like us, and to think the bad outweighs the good. It IS political!!

Sometimes I just want to say ‘pause’ and think. Don’t get caught up in it all. I am a Christian and I rely on my faith, and I rely on the words and teaching of Jesus, to help me find the direction I should go. I continue to think ‘what would Jesus do” even in these modern day issues. I am a child of God, a human made by God, living in this world That belief helps me make decisions – every day. Without it I can’t help but think I would struggle even more with selfish desires.

Sometimes I start writing my musings, like today, not always sure where I am going – and really, I’m not meaning to be so serious and heavy all the time. But, over time I have realized that this is my place to put down my thoughts, because it’s hard to talk to people and to let them listen. I’m just as bad at listening. I realize it. The written word is not ‘in one ear and out the other.’ So I find some satisfaction in writing, and expressing myself here. I do not fear what I write. And, in writing, I work thoughts in my mind out. Am I crazy?!?! Ha I will leave that up to you.

Today’s meme is about getting back to seeing the world without political angles. I need to remind myself to do that all the time. Somethings in life are not meant to be – even though people try to make it so. Care for our earth should not be political. Care for all of earth’s people should not be political. Reaching out and using all we can to help others should not be political.

What other things in our world that should not be political?

Basic freedom of our bodies.

Religion.

Doing anything and everything possible for ALL children.

Personal sexual identity.

Stop. PAUSE. Think. Why do some people want to politicize these? Where is any goodness in trying to control people by laws about these things? There is none.

In life some issues should NOT be political.

It’s Sunday morning – church morning – right?

Well for the last year or so I have been doing various things on Sunday mornings. I’m not attending the church here that I did for some 15 years or so. My choice. As a devoted handbell ringer I have become ‘ecumenical’ the past couple of years by ringing with two different groups at two other local churches. I have found that I was away from MY church twice a month anyway ringing elsewhere, and part of me liked the variety in experiencing other services. All are Protestant so there are lots of similarities for sure. But I have come to a point in my life where I am really questioning where I want to be – and why. I still am as I sit here this Sunday morning.

I just finished a book called ’52 Churches” by Peter DeHaan. Peter and his wife took a full year to go visit a different church in their area each Sunday. Not because they were looking for the ‘perfect’ church, but instead to do a bit of an experiment and to see what works and what doesn’t within each church building. They visited large and small, big stone buildings, and storefronts, Baptist, Mennonite, Methodist, Roman Catholic, some non-denominational, some conservative, some open, some great at greeting visitors, and some not good at it all. Mr. DeHaan kept notes each week and compiled it to make this book. Obviously it’s very subjective. It is through his eyes (and his wife’s who attended with him). All the churches were local in a rural/suburban part of Michigan.

Some of my ‘take aways’ from the book were this:

How a newcomer is welcomed is really important! Visitors to a church get an instant vibe when they walk through the doors. Are they greeted? Are they asked their names? Do members offer to help them? Are they invited to sit with members, to coffee time?

For Mr. DeHaan worship music was not a deal breaker. I admit that I am different. And, if anything he likes the more modern setup with a ‘praise band’ on stage. One thing I found interesting in his research is just how many churches he visited had a band made up of guitars, a keyboard, a drum set – and vocalists, all standing on a stage up front. That is still ‘unusual’ for me. Yes, I have experienced worship with a praise band from time to time but I find that it doesn’t feel like church to me. I love going to a church where I can still experience an organ (because it’s the only place to still hear it), and to hear choir anthems, and hymns sung. Of course I like handbells too! The non-denominational churches (or the ones that sometimes hide their affiliation – yes, some do) are big into ‘performers’ on stage. Lots of repetition with the music. And, I noticed from Mr. DeHaan , and my experiences, that the band tends to play for a good 20 minutes or so to start the service. (Too long for me – especially when it is repetitious.) The music is followed by a few announcements, and a sermon or message. Sometimes scripture is read, sometimes not. Sometimes prayer is said, sometimes not. The band plays again & the vocalists sing on stage again – and it’s over.

I was raised in what Mr. DeHaan calls the ‘high church’ because it has a liturgy (and an order of worship including scripture readings, a creed, the Lord’s Prayer) and follows a church year calendar (Lent, Easter, Epiphany, Pentecost, etc.) Growing up I thought all churches were like mine. There was a reverence in walking into the sanctuary. There was a cross as a focal point.

Okay, here’s one thing I never experienced though: The “Call to the altar” which seems to happen in many churches, especially Baptist ones. Every Sunday! What?

I get the trend to go more casual now a days and to use new technology. I’m all for that. We can certainly spend time together worshiping God that way. It is bringing people in and ‘something is certainly better than nothing.’ Right? Different options are good for people to choose from. Here’s my concern: Most young families are not even walking into Protestant churches to give them a try. As Mr. DeHaan wrote these churches are slowly dying. They are for old people, and that’s okay. But one day those people will be gone and the church buildings will have to close.

I experienced that in MY church where I was for many years. I joined when we moved here, and the congregation had a spirit about it, and there was joy, and yes, music! I watched as the pews became less filled. I watched as Sunday school classes for children went away because we had no children, and then no VBS. I watched as we could not find a good music leader, and then how money concerns tightened the belt. It’s sad to sit there in the pews and see it happening. I missed the days of before. I missed the people I knew, because worship experiences are about the people coming together.

I also sat there and wondered how our politics have hurt mainline Protestant churches, because it has. The church I have always attended is part of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. Yes, evangelical is in it’s name. BUT, it’s NOT that Evangelical. Politics and conservative churches have become attached to the name and therefore has put a new meaning to the word. I am not that. In fact, I am opposite in my beliefs when it comes to a loving, and accepting God, one that offers hope for everyone equally. I am a proud liberal thinker. I am a humble Christian. I saw January 6th and everything that led up to it as a nightmare for our country, and it really hurt how people connected God to the violence and insurrection on that day. I think God must have been hurting big time over it too.

Our country was founded on a separation of church and state for a good reason. Our country was founded on the right for everyone to worship as they want as long as they don’t physically hurt another person. But we are going through a period of some strong willed people in political power wanting to choose how religion beliefs can or cannot be allowed here – to the point of pulling at our democracy.

I would sit in a pew in my church each Sunday and listen to scripture and the message about God’s love, and hear what God wants from us (love your neighbor as yourself), and His gift of forgiveness, with repentance, and salvation. But it seemed to stay there. Maybe I had too much time to think. Maybe aging gives me the time. Or, maybe I have become too much of a deep thinker. Not smart mind you – for that I am not.

So, what to do? My personal faith is strong. My life has always revolved around church. But as I said above, I am questioning what to do.

Next month handbells will start up again and I will be participating in worship at least twice a month. The other two Sundays I may do my own little church visiting experiment. I don’t know. I miss devoting my time to worship and I want to continue to hear the Word, to sing the hymns, and to take communion (that’s a whole ‘ other discussion on how churches vary).

I sense my choice of worship is a dying option. Will my daughters and their kids get the opportunity to experience the way their Mimi grew up in church? Perhaps not. And that’s okay. Maybe a little sad. But as the DeHann book said there are 52 ways – and really thousands more ways – to seek God, to worship together, to continue to learn about how we are God’s people on earth.

For a few months now I have been thinking about devoting a special musing to my sister-in-law Linda. She died this past Spring only after 8 weeks of finding out that she had pancreatic cancer in March. She had not been feeling well for awhile, and she had gone to the doctor for nagging back pain, but it wasn’t until a mini-stroke happened to her that more thorough testing was done and the cancer was found. Pancreatic cancer goes undiagnosed often because symptoms don’t show up until it’s already really bad. So by the time Linda’s cancer was diagnosed it was stage 4, which means the cancer was not just in the pancreas but also in the liver and it was spreading into other areas.

The mini-stroke was a blessing because with it Linda lost some short term memory, and although she had been told about the cancer, she did not remember it in the early weeks after her diagnosis. She went downhill pretty quickly. And, as I said, she passed from the cancer – in her bed, with family members around her. She was only 73 years old.

Linda was my hubby’s oldest sister. She was the first born of three. Her mother was a teenager when she had Linda and although I didn’t know any of the family back then, I have heard many, many stories of the tough times during their childhoods. Yes, every family has dysfunction in it and some ups and downs, but they certainly had more than their fair share. One can’t help but wonder how a child feels those effects all their life, and if someone like Linda was unfortunately ‘given a raw deal’ in life from a young age. Yes, people can persevere and rise above bad situations but many still have lingering pain, and they hold in their sadness, and jealousy, and the ‘what ifs’.

When I first met Linda I was engaged to her brother. Back then, and all of her life, she lit up a room when she walked into it! Attractive. Blonde. She had that ‘something’ – a mix of southern style, kindness, concern about others, and humor. She was always fun to be around! Just like her mother (Nannie) and her Aunt Judy, Linda had a way of turning time spent together with them into an ‘event’. There was always a lot of laughing!!

Linda never got the chance to go to college because she became a mother as a teenager, but she found a ‘career’ for awhile as a jewelry buyer for departments stores, and also in representing certain jewelry lines. When I got to know her, once I became her sister-in-law, I admired her business skills, her hard work, and the traveling she often did for her job, and I knew she and her husband at the time made ends meet, and they seemed like they had a good life.

I won’t go into details about the career and personal disappointments that happened to Linda from that point on, but she never seemed able to get it back together, to feel secure, to get comfortable in her life, to make enough money to live on her own. She sometimes reached for a shiny ring that turned out to be wrong. I felt bad for her and I often saw her in flux during her middle years of life. She lashed out occasionally because of it, and she often lived in denial, and she used her humor to cover up the pain sometimes. She often needed family help and that was hard for her – and she had to swallow her pride.

I don’t just want to write a sad story about Linda. That would not be fair. Linda had many highs too – for sure. She raised her two sons mostly as a single mother, and she had close girlfriends, and she loved to shag, the Carolina dance. She became the ‘matriarch’ of the family once her mother passed. She spent many years helping her sister in more ways than I can list. Linda loved her doggies and they brought her much joy! Men were not good to her, but oh, the little dogs were faithful and loving! She became a regular church goer, and found a calling in helping, and then leading the Jason’s House program through the church. She helped line up beach week visits for sick children and their families.

Linda always worked. She worked at, and sometimes ran. gift shops in a few of the big hotels at the beach. It wasn’t easy. Long and unusual hours. Physically tiring. And not a way to get rich by any means! She struggled with not wanting to be a burden to her family, and at the same time her family was everything to her. She was the most proud of her sons, her grandchildren, and her nieces. She was always very appreciate to the support from all of them. Her siblings too helped out. Even when she could not afford it she made sure to have little gifts for everyone. She never hid her love for them all.

Sometimes I wonder if Linda left this world when she did so that she could be released from her constant concern about how to live into old age without resources. Like I said – she did not want to be a burden. She told me this at various times. It really worried her. Her lowest moments were about those feelings. I sure can’t figure out why some people get cancer, or why illness hits one person harder than another. But I do think Linda’s legacy is that she gave it her all with the wonderful attributes I mentioned above: her kindness, expressing sincere concern for others, and all the laughs she got and gave.

I will continue to miss Linda and her big personality. She was always a wonderful sister-in-law to me, perhaps because I was married to her only brother, but I think it was more. We certainly went through much together: holidays, weddings, births, illnesses, and funerals. She and I had a few moments of ’emotion’ and disagreements over the years. Family does. She even lived with us for a few months, and she and I would sit on the porch and discuss all kinds of things.

Her life did not always go as she had hoped, and yet she always made the best of it. I like to imagine her now, in heaven – and back together with her mother, her Aunt Judy, and her Granny. Linda came from a group of surviving women. Southern women. They had tough lives – and were stronger than they even knew. I bet there is lot of story-telling now, and a lot of laughing with them now – and some dancing too.

Today the federal grand jury is convening and the people sitting on this jury will hear evidence on whether or not Donald Trump could be responsible for the horrible events on January 6th. If the jury thinks there is enough concern and evidence they can decide he should be charged and go on trial.

Justice moves slowly in America.

But today could be a big day for our democratic system. In more ways then one.

First, nobody is above the law. That means a past president can be charged and handled the same way as any other citizen. He can be indicted soon – and I believe he should. The evidence is overwhelming.

Trump has used many delays, and he has tried all he could to make himself look good, to blame others, and to get his supporters to side only with him. But evidence and truth will win out in the end. I feel confident about it.

Most important to me is that I want his illegal actions, the use of his office to try and escape justice, the ego of the man, the lies upon lies he told, to finally come to roost. That’s what our democratic system is all about. He will have his day in court and hopefully politics will stay out of it. I’m not naive enough to know that Trump supporters and MAGA people will continue to feel he is being targeted and that he should not be charged. The rhetoric will continue. With that, the lies, the conspiracy theories, etc. will keep going. So much noise. So many taken down the wrong path.

But today is a day of reckoning – for Americans everywhere.

People all around Trump – his lawyers, his admirers, his finance guys, some of his administration – have already had their days in court and were found guilty of various charges from extortion to insurrection. Corruption.

Today is Trump’s day. Not his only one of course. He has already been impeached twice, and found guilty of sexual assault. And, other charges against him are pending. No other president has been charged with all he has been charged with. This is unprecedented. This is sad. It is beyond me to understand how anyone can consider him a viable candidate for another term as president. If anything, instead he will be putting in time at some high class prison – in time. I’m patient.

But – Today is big. A grand jury of non-political citizens will make a decision today.

I’m watching.

I’m waiting.

Please may justice be served.

** I started this post two days ago. Finally finishing it up.

It’s Sunday morning and I am sitting here watching the British Open in Liverpool, as the players fight it out in the cool temps and pouring rain. What a mess for the golfers! It makes me think of hot summer days and global warming. Watching the golf in England you would never know it’s the hottest recorded summer in the United States. The temps rising is concerning (and dangerous for the elderly and poor) but I personally will take a couple of digits hotter versus a cold winter.

Yesterday I spent the morning outside doing lots of garden pruning, and cutting back shrubs. I sweated a lot. But, it felt good. Yes, you can call me weird. Ha

Here are some thoughts bouncing around in my head…

Summer always goes by too quickly. Always.

But I have had some wonderful experiences during it so far: First, the CMA Festival in Nashville with my daughters, and then heading up to NJ for a day at the Barefoot country festival in Wildwood, NJ with my bestie. The following week my daughter and family came to visit, and my bestie was down here in South Carolina so we got to spend some more time together. Finally, last week I enjoyed time both in Charlotte and at Lakeside, Ohio with all kinds of family. Some of them I don’t see very often.

I am looking forward to a quiet week ahead – and getting some books read. I ordered 4 for ‘summer reading’ and I’m starting “The Extraordinary Life of Same Hell” by Robert Dugoni now. I saw many good reviews about it on a Facebook book lovers site I follow, and on Goodreads. I will let you know. Join Goodreads if you want to stay up on what your friends are reading. I find many suggestions there and I appreciate it.

Flying: I went a long time not flying anywhere and then as life has it, I have flown 4 round trips in the last few months. In general they all went fine. One flight was delayed (a Spirit flight) because the flight attendants crew was required to have a certain amount of time for rest between their last flight at night and then the first one the next morning. My flight was supposed to leave at 7:00am – but was delayed an hour and a half. In general I prefer driving places because I have the control on my start time, the travel time, and plenty of space for what I want to take along.

I wrote a little something on Facebook about the new Jason Aldean song and video that has created controversy. Let me say here that I have always loved Jason’s music, and I have seen him live in concert quite a few times. He always puts on a good show.. Many may remember that he was the artist on stage in Las Vegas when the crazy man started firing an AR-15 and used other guns from high in a hotel that looked down on the venue. It was a horrible mass shooting, killing many and injuring hundreds. Jason and his wife, and their band, all were very frightened – of course. Afterwards they came out with a statement expressing sorrow, but never mentioned the gun crisis we have in America. He said he did not want to ‘be political.’ But his wife Brittney shortly after that created dividing talk by posting on Instagram some very conservative comments. And then the two went to a party at Maralago and posted a picture of them smiling away with Donald Trump. Aldean has not backed down on his beliefs – and he supports his wife. Brittney and her sister-in-law even started a conservative t-shirt company. So, now comes the song. Yes, some lyrics are worrisome, about small town people taking care of their own, etc. I have not watched the video. I guess I don ‘t want to give it my ‘hit’. But I have heard enough about it that shows some violence and he sings/stands in front of a small town courthouse, and he sings of ‘good ole boys’ taking care of business.

I wonder about all the people around Jason Aldean who let this song and video happen. What about the producer? The studio musicians? What about the record company – and Jason’s agent? His publicity people? There were lots of people who heard the song before it was released. There were many people involved in the making of the video. Nobody had a concern? Nobody spoke up??

As a country music fan, I have seen recently other ‘political issues’ facing artists and fans. The Bud Light ban. Kid Rock (and he isn’t even really country) putting out videos about it. Shooting the cans. John Rich of Big & Rich taking Bud out of his Nashville restaurant. The country music community is a perfect look at America as a whole. The community is made up of people of all ages, lots are from rural areas but some are urban, many are blue collar but certainly not all, and a portion support gun freedoms and other conservative beliefs. BUT NOT ALL. I hope people realize that there are lots of country music artists and performers who speak of unity, and equality, and kindness. Listen to their lyrics. One of the reasons I love country music is some of the really lovely lyrics.

Pets: I have always lived with pets. As a kid our family always had a Boston Terrier. They had these names: Pal, Ace, Deuce, another Ace. Once I got married we had Ralph, and Ally, then Lucky, and Peanut Butter, next came Miss Honeybee, and we still have Miss Daisy. A few kitties too: Gizzie and her babies born in our bushes – we kept Moonlight from her litter. Then Moonlight found us. Also, Kitty Girl, Sabrina, and now Hadley. I love pets. Hubby does too. As we get to this point in our lives though we are contemplating being ‘dog free’ after Daisy.

Can we stop hearing about Hunter? I mean really. Everybody (especially the right,) please just move on. I did read this morning tho that President Biden is not accepting that he is the grandfather to a young Hunter ‘love child’. That is sad. Families are difficult. ALL families are difficult. Biden has certainly had his share of pain and perhaps disappointment with members of his family. But, Joe, come on – be a role model to the little girl. Love her. It’s not her fault she was born.

As I said earlier, summer goes by too quickly – but, that means football season is a coming!! I always look forward to it. This year is no different. Hope springs eternal this time of year. Go Gamecocks!

Wondering… who plays Wordle and Words with Friends? I used to be a crossword puzzle person when we all got real newspapers delivered. Once we stopped getting a newspaper each morning, I went to other word games. I play both Wordle and Words with Friends. If you want to be my words friend, please feel free to invite me. I’ve got to keep the brain working!!

And – I have got to be keeping the body working: I have missed my weekly dancing while I was away on vacation and this Wednesday my instructor is away. Two weeks without dancing makes me sad.

This fall I plan to volunteer at a center called “Teach My People” in my town. “Teach my People” is an after school program for needy youth, and those who volunteer provide them snacks, help with homework, and play games, etc. during the hours until parents can come and get them. What do you do to give back? I believe putting in some time, and helping out a little bit, keeps a person grounded. Volunteering provides insight on how others live. There are so many, many ways to give back, to help out, to do something positive for others. I hope you consider it. You won’t regret it – and you will learn so much!!

Until then, enjoy summer!!

Do you feel like we are experiencing Groundhog Day? Turn on the TV. We have been here before. We are waking each morning to again hear the news that Donald Trump is the front runner for the Republican Party. If you have not been paying attention, perhaps you better. Consider this a wake up call! (Maybe this is what is meant by being ‘woke’!) There is a big possibility Trump may win the Republican primary and if so, our two party presidential candidates will be Trump and Biden – again.

I don’t know about you, but for me it makes me pretty darn sick to my stomach. In fact it’s almost quite unimaginable that we are back here, or still here. It is hard to believe that there is a group of political bigwigs and ordinary citizens who somehow still consider Trump as the best choice to run our country.

I don’t feel like I should have to remind anyone of who Trump is. But let me quickly list here a few of the attributes and issues against him. These are facts. We know he is a habitual liar. He lied over and over during his campaign and when he sat in the Oval Office. People who keep track of these things say he lied way more than any other president. He has been impeached TWICE, and is now indicted in several major federal and state cases. He is accused of trying to stop the free and fair election for president when Biden won. He promoted the January 6th activity at the US Capitol. These cases are on-going. Oh and he took top secret documents away from the White House on purpose and showed them off to friends. He lied about that too. He has been found guilty of molesting a woman (rape) in a civil case. And, he has had many other women come forward about his horrible sexual behavior. He has bankrupted many companies throughout his business career, has lied to banks to get loans, and he has mistreated employees of the various companies his name is boldly plastered on.

Certainly these reasons (and there is more) should be enough to say to any American that he is NOT presidential material. In fact he is opposite in what we want for a person to represent us here and around the world.

Listen, I’m not a Biden lover either. I think he is too old and feeble to run again, and then to make it through another 4 years. I think the job requires someone who can physically handle the crazy schedule, the traveling, and who can think and speak clearly. Biden has always admitted he has a lifelong stuttering problem, and that’s okay. But I see him now and notice he has slowed down, and it’s only going to get worse. Thankfully he has good people around him, and as with Reagan back in the day, he has a wife who supports him and props him up when needed.

So we have quite the dilemma. Will we end up having nobody on the ticket we actually WANT to vote for? What will the average citizen do then? Will they even want to vote on Election Day? And, really, out of the thousands and thousands of public servants in America, we can’t find a few others who might have the criteria needed to become the president?

As a Democrat I appreciate the direction we are going with Biden as president. I believe we are doing better economically. We have a man at the top who will not do anything rash, and that is comforting to me. He gets along with our allies, and he has the right people in place to work on his behalf. I believe a Democrat in office will work towards blending success in the financial world with a moral world and we need that as a country to live in peace. I believe in the Democratic way of thinking. We are community and our leadership has to make decisions for all to benefit equally. I believe in going forward, not backwards, and I think the Democrats, although flawed and with their own power hungry politicians, have a vision of hope and equality for all.

But – Please, oh please…. we need younger smart people willing to come forward and to get into this mess of politics. I like Pete Buttigeig and volunteered for his campaign last time around. Pete is very intelligent, a military man, who has held local office and now is a part of the Biden cabinet as Secretary of Transportation. He is a devoted family man. He has respect for others, and he understands what it is like to be labeled and treated differently.

There are others out there. Cory Booker. The new governor of Maryland, Wes Moore. On the Republican side, please, oh please, there has to be a sensible fiscally conservative person somewhere in the party. One that won’t send the party and country off the deep end! There has to be someone who can stand up against Trump and act like an adult.

We are just starting the long campaign season – lord help us ( and the length of it is a whole other issue to be addressed) and we can’t know for sure how everything will play out. But!! But, I can guarantee that there will be too much game playing, and the candidates will attack it each endlessly, the ads (we have already received some in the mail) will be mean spirited and filled with false information. There will be heated television debates, and then the over-the-top conventions that will look like the circus comes to town!. The amount of money raised and spent on all of it will be absolutely ridiculous!

But, if after it all, we end up with Trump vs. Biden again I know my heart will hurt, and my belief in my fellow citizens will again disappoint me greatly. The first time Trump ran (and won) I mourned for our country, and I began to question the people I see every day in my life, those who I see at the food store, at the park, and even at church. Did they actually vote for him? Why? Now, knowing SO MUCH MORE and still to continue to support Trump one must be in complete denial, or “sick with the kool-aid” to the point of mind control.

So…

If you, as I, don’t want another Groundhog Day (4 years) which means we certainly don’t want to see Trump and Biden as the two choices again, then NOW is when we have to act. ‘ We the people’ have a voice. ‘We the people’ can let our legislators know that we want different leadership. Start with contacting your local party members, and send stern but respectful emails to your legislators. Use your vote too. Don’t re-elect people who sit back and accept the status quo. Let your voice be known on social media. Don’t be afraid. And, don’t become apathetic to our democratic system. If you do nothing, then you have to accept the results…

Biden or Trump.