Hubby and I were talking last evening about Trump. When it comes to many issues and our current president, we agree. Hubby is with me about the fact he is a severe narcissist, and so Trump cares for nobody but himself. We both agree he is morally devoid of wanting good for others, and in seeing good in others, and of being kind to others, and he is unable to show respect for others unless it helps him out.

As we talked though, the subject of the destruction of the boats coming out of Venezuela, and that region, came up. Hubby said he was pleased to see that drug boats were attacked and decimated. I said that Congress never approved the attacks on the boats and that it is one more thing that Trump has decided to do without proper ‘democratic’ approval. Hubby responded that some things have to happen in secret to work right. He said we have to have TRUST in our leadership, in them knowing more than we do, and in doing the right thing.

I agree that military plans for future actions certainly cannot be broadcast to the public, or made common knowledge, especially when lives are in jeopardy. I agree that under normal times we would have faith that our leaders were doing the right thing for our country, even behind closed doors.

But, our country now has a president who has shown over and over to us that he is not trustworthy. He has gone back on his word many times, and he has lied thousands of times over and over. He is like the children’s nursery tale of the little boy who cried wolf. The shepherd boy became untrustworthy because he lied over and over to the town people about seeing a wolf among the sheep. But, one day, a wolf really did appear – and when the boy again cried ‘wolf’ to get some help nobody believed him. The boy was unable to save some of his sheep from the bad wolf. The townspeople had completely lost trust in him and did not help.

It’s really hard to get trust back once it has been lost.

And, any person who has been untrustworthy over a lot of time, really has to work extra hard to prove themselves believable, and to have others again accept them at their word. It takes a real effort. It takes a desire to change. It takes an apology.

Back to the boats decimated out of the water: There has been no public proof visibly shown, or given to the press, that drugs and drug smugglers were on those boats. Perhaps the boats have been so completely destroyed that there is no evidence left to prove it. Or, perhaps if there might be some parts of the boats still floating in the water there has been no public word that it has been collected. What were the boat names? Passenger names onboard? None of that has been released. Why?

For reasons unknown to the public, Trump and Hegseth are bringing an aircraft carrier to the area. There has been ‘talk’ of more attacks, some closer to land, or maybe even on land. We know that Trump is a bully. He uses bully talk to threaten, to intimidate, and he uses fear to get his way. It’s nothing new.

As I have watched Trump these past ten years in politics, and even before as a businessman, I learned he had no integrity, and he did not value trust at all. He has used people, and then quickly dismissed them. He has let people suffer when he is finished with them.

So, I admit that I may have a bias when it comes to the actions of blowing up boats in the ocean waters. I don’t trust our president at all. I don’t trust those who work closely with him that they are trustworthy either, and that they will keep him in check. I am like one of those town people who have heard ‘wolf’ cried too often.

When you have lost trust in a person, or in your government, you have lost faith in them doing the right thing. Fear and doubt rule. There is no comfort found. No belief in their actions. No TRUST anymore.

Like blowing boats out of the water.

When you lose trust you lose everything.

It’s just a little over a week before Thanksgiving. Are you feeling thankful?

I hope so. It’s time to think about what we are grateful for, and there is always something! Right??

I am grateful for my past weekend and my quick trip to Nashville. I love Nashville and it was fun to meet up with my girlfriend and watch her son make his Grand ole Opry debut! I am thankful to have shared in his experience. I am happy for his mom, and for everyone who gets to feel the joy from watching this young man rise up in the music business.

I was thankful for the smooth flying and the ‘on time’ flights I had. I am happy the government shutdown ended and that my trip went as planned. I thanked a few TSA agents for working during the shutdown. One told me they had not received their back pay yet. Another told me that they may have to go through this all over again in January when the deadline comes up again. (A side note: I was disappointed that Congress did not keep the ACA premium relief costs down. I worry for many who will have bigger health bills coming in ‘26.)

As it is almost Thanksgiving, we are coming to the end of hurricane season – and so, I am very grateful that we had a quiet season and no major concerns about evacuations and possible damage.

Today the House of Representatives is going to vote on releasing all the rest of the Epstein Files. I just watched a live press conference with some of the survivors/warriors who spoke of their stories, and how they have found strength from finding each other, and their need for transparency, for naming the names of the guilty. I am grateful for their strength, and I pray that the truth will finally come out, and that the men and companies responsible for years of sexual abuse, will get their day in court.

I am grateful that the time has come for the women. I think about how Rep. Lewis said ‘make good trouble’ – and that change can take a long time but to not give up. This is a perfect example of diligence and patience.

Speaking of women, and the need to have control over their own bodies, I was in the grocery store yesterday, and in the paper towels area, I found a torn opened EPT test box, with the test applicator missing. The paper towels are near the restrooms in the back of the store. I knew immediately that some young woman had been fearful, had no money to buy the test, so she ‘stole’ it and went into the bathroom to find out. I hope for her sake it turned out negative, but if not, I hope that she has support. She and I live in a state that is doing their best to control female bodies.

I am grateful for music – always. The busy music season is quickly approaching. The first two weeks of December have full days of rehearsals and performances.

I am grateful for the little things, like the birds that come to my feeder. I recently got a new feeder with a camera on it, so now I love to see the short 10 second videos as birds come and go to it. I have some birds that feed there every day. And, as the days get shorter and colder, I hope even more will stop by.

I have read some really good books lately. I am in awe of writers who can put together beautiful sentences, who can pull me into a story, who can teach a lesson, or help me think of something in a new way. What a gift to be a good writer! Check out my list on Goodreads of the books I have enjoyed lately. You might like them too.

In reality, this time of year often puts me in a funk. I don’t always handle the holidays well because I worry about finding the right gifts, and doing the right things, and getting caught up in the commercialism of it all too much, forgetting the birth of Jesus. I see it around me and get annoyed.

So, it’s good that Thanksgiving comes first, to put my mind on the wonderful people, times, and things, that help me through life so well. The timing is right. As I age I realize how finite our days are, and learning to be open to change has become so important. I think people who age holding a grudge and/or who prefer to ‘look backwards’ waste really precious time.

I am extremely grateful for where I am – and how my days can be comfortable. I love that little surprises can still pop up. I am thankful for taking time to consider it all.

Gold.

I think about that old Girl Scout song…

“Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.”

I also think about Olympic athletes who strive for the gold. Winning their gold medals after years of hard work and persistence, and having it placed around their necks.

I think about Rumpelstiltskin who magically turned straw to gold in the familiar childhood fairy tale.

I also think about a gold wedding band. Gold is durable, and it doesn’t tarnish. It is a symbol of marriage.

But I never thought about gold for the decor of the White House. In fact, Pres. Trump went through his first 4 year term without changing anything in the People’s House. He kept it the same. No gold. Just like the presidents that came before him, the house was left alone, and he was content with the classic architecture and the historical artifacts inside it.

Times are different now.

Let me say, the gold that is ‘littering’ the walls of many rooms and hallways in the White House now is not really gold. It is not the precious gem. Instead, it is painted flourishes and wall hangings. It is flashy and too bright.

It is a statement of the man living in the house.

Pres. Trump has loved anything and everything, (it seems!) that is gold. I believe that he thinks it is a color of power, a color of brilliance. It shines. He loves seeing his name large and in gold. Right?

As I watch the changes happening these past ten months at the White House, all that added gold, I think that the next resident there, the next president, will surely have to paint over it all and pull off all the wall pieces Trump has had hung up.

I look forward to that day.

But, I also know that the demolition of the East Wing cannot be restored. By the time Trump’s term is over that huge ballroom will already be standing in its place, with many gold chandeliers hanging. There will be gold glitzy accents throughout it.

Oh. All that gold.

It is an example for us to easily see just how different Trump is. We see how he puts his personal choices first. He doesn’t consider, or worry about, the impressions he makes to us. He doesn’t worry about what really represents America. He is making major changes to the People’s House with only a little over 3 years left to live there. Yes, he loves gold. He thinks it makes him look regal, and the house look like a palace.

Gold. Trump. They go together.

I googled characteristics of gold and this popped up:

“The everlasting symbol of luck, prosperity, and wealth, gold has been desired by humans for centuries.” Hello? No wonder.

But, I also read “gold is too soft for many practical uses, so it is often alloyed with silver or cooper to increase its hardness.” It is a metal that is shiny and bright but alone not often practical.

Enough said.

I am starting this post with an attention getting headline. Racism.

I have to admit as I continue to age, and read, and learn more, I see more fully the effects on racism here in America.

I grew up in a sheltered home. A kind home. It was one that never spoke harshly about anyone. My parents did not swear, or put people down, in front of me. I did not grow up hearing people talk in a mean spirited way about anyone. I grew up in a Christian home that lived it. So, I consider myself lucky. I did not hear, or learn, that groups of people were different, and I certainly did not hear a group get blamed for bad situations in our country.

In my early years, at school and church, I did not experience a wide variety of colors, and ethnic backgrounds, not until I went off to college. By that time I was pretty open to anyone. I knew individually that some people were nice, some were not so nice, but it had nothing to do with their skin color.

In fact, once I learned US history there was a part of me that felt sorry for the cruelty received, and then the uphill battle, for black Americans. I definitely had moments of knowing my white privilege was not fair and unearned. If anything, in general, I found I would side with the underdog, and I looked – and still look – for ways to help even up the playing field: for equal chances for the same lifestyles, the same education, and the same jobs opportunities.

So, when President Obama was elected as the first black President of the United States I felt very proud of our country! I stayed up late that night and watched him and his family in Chicago, and I was extremely touched by the moment. The joy in the crowd! It was a marvelous thing!! Of course, as a Democrat, I was also pleased to see him elected because I knew he had a lot of the same core values as I had, and I knew he would fight for womens’ rights, and for gun safety, and other issues I felt we as a country needed.

Since that time I unfortunately have learned about racism in ways I did not know before. It coincided with me moving down south to live. So, maybe I saw the divisions of racism more here now. Maybe it was the timing. I have learned that some white people in the south have a deep ‘family pride’ that was new to me. Even though we are generations away from the Civil War, there was still ‘bad blood’ in the south and a group of people who would not accept the war’s outcome. That feeling has been passed down. Generation to generation. Confederate flags still fly in the south. They call it ‘heritage’. I have learned that that is another word for racism.

I have learned that some are secretive in their racism. They hide it because they know it is not ‘proper’ and they don’t want to look bad, but they do not want to authentically change. They don’t want to hear about other peoples’ struggles. They like being ‘better.’

Since Trump first ran for office he brazenly let his racism show. His first speech was about ‘those’ others… and sending them back, and out of America. Since then he has supported racists with many comments. You know, like the good people on both sides in Charlottesville, and the ‘patriots’ at the Capitol on Jan. 6th. And: They” are the dangerous ones. “They” are the ones doing the stealing, raping, and killing.

Me, wearing my rose colored glasses, was not aware at the time how there were so, so many people who really, really liked what Trump said. I mean, to me, it was disgusting. I heard what he said and I was immediately turned off. But, to others it was someone speaking the racist language that they liked and agreed with.

These Americans, white men especially, loved finally hearing a candidate like Trump sticking up for them. As I look around now, I can pretty much see them, and I know they don’t want to give up the ‘seniority’ of the white man’s world. They were frightened before, but with Trump at the helm they see themselves in him and feel safe.

Before, they were unwilling to speak up, but now they have found a ‘savior’ for their racism. Trump has become a white god, one who will work hard to keep the pecking order they enjoy. Oh, they will say that it is not true. They often do!! But, too much has happened – Trump has shown hundreds (really thousands) of times his lack of morals, and his inability to govern within the laws of a democratic society. He is a buffoon, and he is getting away with it. Why? Racism. That group, organized as MAGA, are just fine with him being nasty, and inept. He is one of them.

He can go ahead and hide evidence. He can fondle women. Pay for sex and cover it up. He can even take part in sexual child abuse. He can tear down the White House (literally and figuratively) and it’s ok. He can take Pres. Obama’s official painting and hang it in a back stairwell – yes he did that. Think about that significance. He can lie endlessly. He can do anything he wants.

But it’s ok. Why? Racism.

Not just his racism. But the racism of everyone who voted for him. The racism of the Republican Congress that turns and looks away. The racism even in the Supreme Court that grants Trump the authority to do what he wants. The immunity to not have to take responsibility.

I have had a hard time being around people in general since Trump arrived in the political world. He has shown me just how much the hatred of other people was festering – and now it is freely in the open. Putting down “Black Lives Matter” was a prime example. I have heard many put the movement down. Why? Yes, Black Lives Matter!!! Of course. Why is that controversial?

“But….over and over I hear “No, not me!” “I am not a racist.”

Tell me, then WHY did he become president???

My thoughts about participating in the NO KINGS rally and march yesterday:

It just really felt good to ‘do something.’ At a time when I sometimes feel hopeless about what is going on in our country, it made me feel like I was making a difference. Yes, a small one. But I was one of the millions who took the time, who made a sign, traveled, and ‘counted’ themselves in the numbers.

I was not paid to be there. In fact, I, instead, paid out money to go. 💵 I bought a ticket for a chartered bus that took us from our area to Columbia, the state capitol, about a 3 hour drive. Even though there were events closer to my home, I wanted to go to the state capitol and be there, in that HUGE crowd. I wanted to experience it on a ‘grand scale.’ I have participated in other political protests before but this was definitely the biggest one.

Although the reasons, the issues why we were there, for all the rallies and marches around the country, were very serious, the atmosphere was light and fun. 🎉. There was live music. 🎶 There were people dressed in costumes. 🦖 🐸 🦄 There were amazing signs! Oh – so many, many signs!! Some people are very creative and artistic. 🎨. It was fun to read all the signs.

There were also a lot of American flags! 🇺🇸 Everywhere!! The attendees were people proud to live in the United States. They were people true to our country and to our constitution. There were no other flags.

There was safety in numbers. I knew that everyone there, first gathered at the State House, and then on the march, were ‘my people,’ people who were concerned about all the illegal actions of our president. They were people, like me, frightened about the attack on our democracy. Worried about ICE grabbing people off of streets, deporting them without due process. 😬 I will say there was a police presence but not overwhelming. Officers were in their usual uniforms. I saw none in military gear. No masks.

There were all ages who attended in Columbia. There were lots of seniors, but also some families, and young people (teens and 20’s). It helped to have the University of South Carolina campus near by. There were some African Americans, but not enough. I sadly did not see that many that had appearances of Asian, or Hispanic ethnicity either. I wish there would have been more.

Proudly, there were rainbows on signs. 🌈 👍

We walked from the State Capitol building to the Governor’s Mansion, right now occupied by Republican Gov. McMaster. It was about a mile’s walk. The day was sunny ☀️ and the walk was easy. I will say it was a bit anticlimactic once we all got to the beautiful closed gates of the Governor’s Mansion. We stood and we continued our chants of “No Kings” and “This is what democracy looks like.” For a few minutes. And then people started to head out. Yes, we were feeling like a ‘job well done’ was just accomplished. But, we also know that this is not a one day thing. More work is to be done. Change must happen.

I wondered if the millions of Americans out on the streets and all of peaceful protesters yesterday got to the hearts of any of the government’s leadership. Did they watch? Did they care?

I especially wondered what Pres. Trump thought of the protests all around the country, in major cities, in small towns, in red & blue areas, and ALL WERE PEACEFUL!! I know the man is an egomaniac so he must not have liked it. Actually, I know he didn’t like it, because he put out a childish, mean spirited video last night dropping 💩 on marchers. Yes, he did. He’s such a classy guy. NOT!

Unfortunately, I truly don’t think Trump has a heart. He can’t see beyond anything that happens if it is not for his glory. In fact, the protests may just cause him to hunker down more, and to spew more of his hatred (he has admitted that he hates his opponents.). I am one of those that he hates now. ☝️ One he drops poop on. It’s weird to have a president who admits to want to hurt the other political side. A president who fires his opponents, and who sues them. 💔 Who openly express a lot of meanness. Who thrives off of division. Who is so very unhinged that he tweets out AI videos in the middle of the night.

As I told some of my fellow protesters yesterday, while we were standing there in the middle of everything, as I was someone out there protesting, I never thought I would be doing this.

I still sometimes still stop and think, is this for real??

This morning I woke myself up from a dream, a re-occurring dream, which was vivid and worrisome.

I was in my church but there was a different pastor. There was no liturgy said, no Lord’s Prayer, no Creed recited. The pastor was not making sense to me. Nothing seemed right. Some people were there but nobody I knew. This morning’s dream had me sitting in the pew with my sister, my brother and his wife, and my cousin and her husband. They were visiting me.

Throughout the service people got up and left.

After the service we went to get something to eat, and not knowing at first, it was a meal prepared by the church. It was when I went to pay that I learned it was ‘free’ – yet, I was upset. I felt fooled. I got upset and told the pastor everything I felt about the church changes. His wife was there also. He told me the timing was bad because a representative from the church administration was there and he heard my disappointment.

My dream ended with people asking me ‘why didn’t you say something earlier?” – yet I had. I replied that I had sent emails and tried to speak my concerns before.

My dream wasn’t really a nightmare. There were no bogeymen or there was no violence. But, it felt like a nightmare to me, because I know both consciously and subconsciously a lot that has been going on with churches lately has been upsetting to me. Yesterday I ran into a friend, we happened to be seated next to each other getting pedicures, and we spoke a good while about church concerns. So, it’s not a surprise that my dream/nightmare popped up again.

My friend is finding members at her church close minded to homosexuality. Some social media posts she has seen had alarmed her. Saddened her. My church went through a division some years back over gay marriage and acceptance. It as messy. Ugly at times. Definitely disappointing

It used to be, in the past, that maybe you did not know the deep beliefs on issues from the parishioners sitting in the same pew as you. It was easier in a way. But now, with the crazy leadership of our country and with Christian Nationalism rising up, and with social media, we see and hear more – and it is alarming.

My friend and I both felt let down by our churches.

I loved my church. I was active there for many years. I never thought that the environment we are in now would happen, and that I would find myself home on Sunday mornings. But here I am. I am not less faithful. I am not questioning God’s love for me, and I continue to do my best to live my life in response to that love. My faith is who I am.

So, my re-occurring dream tells me that what is happening in many churches is very concerning to me. It tells me that I worry about the future of my church and other churches.

It’s an important, frightening part of the changes in our country.

We live in a world where everything happens so fast, and attention spans are very short. We have tweets and text messages. We move from one story to the next. We have news networks that just take a line or two from a speech to use on the air. Because, you know, there is a lot to do and time is of the essence. We are busy, busy, busy. We have little time to stop and listen, or to take time to read a newspaper article, or a book.

It is up to editors and reporters to pick a sound bite, something that will reflect someone’s statement and also catch our attention. Is it fair? No. Is it always accurate? No.

But we live in the world of a sound bite.

And, knowing that, it is extra vital for public speakers to watch what they say. Words matter. Long orations are reduced down, often down to a minute or two in length.

Lately there has been a lot of talk about sound bites, and about how they are used against political leaders. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard and read recently that the sound bites of Charlie Kirk and Donald Trump are not reflective of who they really are. That they are taken out of context. That we didn’t hear their complete thought. That the opposing party just wants to make them sound bad.

And, yes, there is some truth to that. But sound bites add up. Right after Kirk was assassinated last week lots of audio & video clips of him appeared on social media. Sound bites from the past five years of him speaking at different events on various topics. I acknowledge that I had never listened to him before his death. So, when I started paying attention last week to all the sound bites I was surprised with what he said. I believe strongly in free speech and so he had every right to say what he did. He seemed to have no fear in speaking out. In expressing his opinion. He was bold.

But, he had to have known that his opines would be used in sound bites. Everything he said was videoed, saved, edited, and aired. When you are a public person like Kirk what you say never goes away.

Sound bites matter.

I think of Pres. Obama, Rep. Raskin, and Pete Buttigieg, and Sen. Corey Booker, and others – these are examples where their sound bites have rarely been used against them. (Maybe the people on Fox do it. I never listen to that network because they are known to habitually lie.) These are public figures who speak with eloquence and with careful thought. They don’t say edgy statements that can be misinterpreted. They know that words matter. As a Democrat I have never had to defend them, or make excuses for them saying “It was a sound bite that was taken wrong.”

So, think about your favorite politician and leader. Are you finding yourself explaining their words? Are you saying ‘they really meant something else’? Are you standing up for them all the time because they represent you but they don’t have good sound bites? Their sound bites create discomfort?

It’s the world we live in now. Sound bites represent a person. Everything said is ‘free’ to use. Politicians know that. The truthful ones, the smart ones, don’t have to fear that their words are being misinterpreted in a sound bite. Think about that.

Last evening I sat in the dark on my porch after hearing the news that Jimmy kimmel’s nightly show has been immediately ‘paused’ by ABC. I was in shock, yet I probably should not have been. I went through this just a couple of months ago at the news of the ending of “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.”

When Stephen’s show was cancelled President Trump spoke right after and he said he was glad about it. He then said they’d be coming for Kimmel and Fallon too. So, I should not be surprised by last night’s news about Jimmy Kimmel’s show. Where will Trump stop? What about Seth Meyers? And SNL? And “The Daily Show”? And John Oliver? And, Josh Johnson’s stand up? What about “The Simpsons” ? What about any person or show that speaks out against the president, using jokes and art to satirize?

I’m old enough to remember “The Smothers Brothers Show” and how the brothers were edgy and talked about the politics of the day. Steve Martin was a young writer on the show. A man named Pat Paulson did a whole spoof, pretending to run for president. Critics wanted to quiet the Smothers Brothers. It was a thing.

So, it’s not new: this push back on ‘free speech’ used in the entertainment industry.

A reminder: every single late night talk show host from Paar to Leno, Carson, and O’Brien, and more – ALL have told jokes in their monologues about politics. All political figures were fair game.

Lately it’s been the late night hosts and their shows who are being cancelled. But, newspapers have been sued by Trump because he did not like some of the editorials. Soon the Trump administration might go after movies and other forms of entertainment. He seems to have a very thin skin and has set up his people to ‘fight his fight’ in a way no other president has before. (Trump likes to be the president ‘like no other before.’ )

My opinion is that Trump has lived his whole life with ‘yes men,’ who have bowed down to him, who have known not to push back in fear of being fired and humiliated, and who have allowed his puffed up ego to go unrestrained. As a real estate person he got away with it, although a check back on newspaper articles from those days, and even some TV shows, will show that people were on to his con-man ethics even then.

But, now, as president, Trump has no restrictions and he feels confident and justified to go after those who criticize him. The assassination of Charlie Kirk (who I regard as a younger Trump after watching videos of him – same ego, same smooth liar) Trump is even more empowered to make anyone who speaks against him be shuttered.

A couple days ago, Attorney General Bondi stated that anyone who speaks ‘hate speech’ will be targeted. Did she forget that all speech but speech inciting violence is allowed under the law? I mean, if ‘hate speech’ is criminal then Trump has been breaking the law over and over for years! His speech is nasty. His speech contains lies. His speech is racist. His speech inflames people. It is personal. He says crazy things about people. He likes to hurt people with words. Why can he do it? Free speech.

So – yours and my FREE SPEECH is under attack right now. It is frightening. It is one-sided, and politically motivated. I don’t agree with Trump’s policies and I really don’t like the man. So, maybe I have ended up on a list. Didn’t Vance just ask people to turn in other people? I know I have MAGA folks who read my musings and posts.

This is where we are. This is what Americans and our Republican Congress is allowing to happen. A foundation of democracy, of ‘we the people,’ is being taken away. Am I using hyperbole? I don’t think so. Am I fearing what is to come? Yes.

Will speech be free going forward? Or, will more voices start disappearing? I hope not, but I predict that I will sit on my porch and feel sadness again.

I am listening to Gov. Cox of Utah, a Republican, on ‘Meet The Press’ right now. He is saying that the Charlie Kirk shooter was living with a ‘transitioning boyfriend’ and that he had been ‘radicalized’ online.

So…

Let me say…. There are other people in this country transitioning, not thousands and thousands, but enough to draw attention to a group of conservatives who do not approve of changes in gender identity. They have made it a political issue. These are people who may not have studied mis-identity at birth, and physical and mental dis-orientation, and do not know anyone transitioning personally. But they have made it a big issue and they like to say it aligns with being a Christian. (I differ with that opinion.)

There are other people living with those transitioning or who have changed their sexual identity, and they are not ‘radicalized’ or dangerous.

The shooter (I prefer not to use his name) obviously had gone over the edge. He planned and used a rifle to take out Charlie Kirk in a public forum. Unthinkable. Totally wrong. He did a horrible, horrible thing and will suffer the consequences.

But, was he ‘radicalized’? Maybe. Or – Maybe he had his beliefs his whole life. We don’t know. Yes, he was raised in a conservative home, by a Mormon family, in Utah no less! And, his father is a law officer. But we cannot guess about what the shooter thought about for years as a young man in America.

What does that mean to be radicalized? I googled the word ‘radicalize’ and it says to make a social or political change. It is often an extreme change. To be influenced so much to change normal thinking and behavior. But did the shooter all of a sudden feel strongly opposed to Mr. Kirk? Again, we do not know. He may have believed what he did all his life. He may have been internally holding in a lot of his beliefs due to his upbringing. WE DO NOT KNOW.

I really felt the Governor of Utah should not have said what he said – he should not have brought up anything about who the shooter lived with, in terms of sexuality. It does not matter. In fact, the roommate was shocked and was helpful in getting info for catching him.

Shooters have many reasons in their minds for doing what they do. It’s always wrong to ACT on violent thoughts. This one should have gotten help before it got to the point of killing. We as a country are lacking on free mental health for everyone. Mental health can be tough to diagnosis because it is often hidden. It is REALLY hard to see ahead of time when someone is going off the rails. (I believe that is why gun safety measurements are so very important.).

Mentally ill people are sometimes loners, or disappointed in their lives, or have dreams of grandeur, or they want to make a statement. They come from all kinds of backgrounds. They have different sexual beliefs too.

But remember: Healthy people can be alone, at times are disappointed, and have dreams, come from different backgrounds, and also have different sexual beliefs.

All of our words matter. The governor of Utah misspoke and his words might be very damaging. We need to do better.

I admit I did not know much about Charlie Kirk before I learned of his shooting and death two days ago. I do not follow conservative voices because I do not agree with their viewpoints.

But, since Kirk was assassinated I have seen quite a few videos of him at the rallies he held on college campuses, and when he spoke publicly on TV and at other events. I did not seek them out. They popped up on my Facebook and Instagram feeds.

This is my opinion on what I have watched on these videos: Charlie Kirk spoke with an attitude. He was not laid back at all. In fact, he often interrupted people as they asked a question. He then went off on a short sermon about whatever the topic. His style was rash. While I watched him I felt he was condescending. He pounced. I am sure those who are conservative and watch disagree with me because they liked what he said and did. They liked that he pushed back.

His ‘thing’ was to have young people come up and ask him questions on issues. To debate. But, the videos I watched did not show debate. They showed him being aggressive and he was an expert at ‘ just keep talking’ and control the conversation.

As I have now been listening to Charlie Kirk, I understand why he was so controversial. I watched as he laughed at college students, especially females, who were pursuing degrees he did not believe in. He told females that they should have families first, before having careers. He even told some they were wasting time and money getting a higher education degree.

Again, I saw this watching him – listening to his own words. Watching his own actions and mannerisms.

And, watching him I saw a bit of a young Trump. He had the ability to say anything, with confidence, with a pompous attitude. He had a ‘stare you down’ look. He laughed – but often ‘at’ someone, not with them.

Ok. Listen – he should NEVER NEVER NEVER have been shot and killed. NEVER. I am a pacifist and I believe that any kind of violence is wrong. I believe in turning the cheek and walking away. And – I want to do anything possible to stop all this gun violence in America. I have written about it over and over. Yesterday I watched a video of Charlie saying there will unfortunately be gun deaths in the US, something that we have to accept, because he did not want gun safety changes at all. The irony of his death by a gun is obvious.

I am a feminist. So, I did not like what he said about women. I have not deep dived into other videos, other messages he gave, but since he was a conservative I am guessing he did not believe in a woman’s right to choose. Some women may be fine with what he said. But, I am not. As a mother and grandmother of females, I did not agree with the limitations he wanted for women.

I am extremely sorry about his death. For his wife and children, and other family members, I mourn. What happened Wednesday, his assassination, is the latest of a horrible trend happening in our country. Yes, Kirk was brash, but he had the right to be that way without fearing for his life. In America the freedom of speech is a right. Nobody should fear violence for speaking out.

Yet, the rhetoric over the past ten years has gotten vile, and as I have always said: words matter. The escalation of demeaning language, of name calling, and of narcissistic ‘only me’ attitudes, has brought us here. We should not be surprised. Too many have been allowed, and accept, the nastiness that is spewed. We are seeing the results of it now.

I just saw on TV right now that the shooter has been identified and caught. A press conference will happen shortly. Whoever he turns out to be, he is an unstable person. Someone who reached for a gun – instead of being rational, and getting help, he let hate take over. We can’t forget that. He will face the consequences, by the laws of our land. Thank God we have a justice system. I hope we keep it. I worry about that too.

I will end with this: my BFF and I were crying together over the phone right after Trump’s second Inauguration, and she said she could not even imagine how bad it will get. In my mind at the time I thought ‘oh she is being too emotional, too over the top about what will happen.’ I agree with her now.

How bad can it get??

I fear much worse.